… OR HOW I OBLIGE THE ORISHAS.
Sometimes, I worry if I will ever be able to inhabit all the spheres that I want to. There is so much I want to do, see, love, explore, achieve in this life. And while I know how capable I am of gettin’ shit done, I also know that time is the ultimate H.B.I.C..
This week, I’ve realized that I will always be an organizer and educator. Yes, I am an also an artist and storyteller and writer and performer. But I am also incredibly gifted at community building. And just like I’ve felt half-baked for the past two years, because I haven’t been writing or performing or telling stories… I also know that I will feel half-done next year if I am not involved in social-justice-based community work.
And so, here I am. It’s a balmy (I can say balmy if I live in L.A., right?) night in the middle of June. I’ve got projects in the works. I’ve got schemes and strategies galore. I’m hoping that next year, I really can inhabit all of my selves. I hope I can bring a my creativity and story-obsession to community-based work. And I hope I can bring more of my passion for social justice and transformation to my art-based work.
By now, I think it is time that I accept the fact that I be complex and I inhabit many worlds. And there is nothing wrong with that. I used to pray to be simpler, in high school. I really used to pray to God, on my hands and knees, to dilute my interests, my desires, my curiosities. I figured if I was less intellectual, less creative, less rebellious, less emotional—things would be easier for me.
I’ve since come to realize how awful that would’ve been. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with “simple” people (are any of us all that simple?). I’m saying, that for all of the frustration and confusion this inner-complexity brings to me… it also brings a richness, a manifoldness to my life that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It allows me to be in and of the world, which is honestly all I’ve ever wanted.
So tonight, I’m embracing my too much. I may not see The How just yet, but I know that it is possible to be a writer, poet, playwright, storyteller, performer, artist, producer, director, entrepreneur, cultural critic, social media maven, community organizer, social justice educator, scholar who splits her time equally between New York, Los Angeles, and everywhere else in the world.
I have always known, deep down, that I have a “calling”. I have always had an intuition as to what that calling may be, but I’ve never been able to articulate it. I still have a bit of trouble articulating it. But I’m getting closer. And I realize, I don’t need all the “answers” now.
I just need to answer the call by saying: YES.