As the illustrious and prophetic Ice Cube once said, Today was a good day.
I had fresh-pressed juice and tea/coffee with my life coach/spiritual guru, Monique. A couple weeks ago, she text me to see how I was doing. I stopped seeing her last summer, as I was transition from full-time to part-time work. She is one of those people that I know will be in my life forever. She’s an incredible woman—passionate, spiritual, intelligent, funny, and so insightful.
Whenever I see her, I know (a) some real shit is gonna happen and (b) I am going to have a good-ass day. I say the former because our discussions always open up something within me, so I end up having to do some processing and self-work. And the latter because she’s so wonderful and compassionate, it’s an honor to be in her presence. Plus, she really listens to me.
I gave her a brief review of how I’ve been feeling since September. I explained to her that I haven’t been depressed necessarily, but I have been in a personal “winter”. She understood what I was saying, relating it to her own personal winter that she’s currently experiencing. I was trying to explain to her that with quitting my job in a couple months and turning 25, I’m on the cusp of trying to get my shit together. Not that I believe I will have my shit together at 25… but that it’s more about listening to myself, making decisions for myself, and doing good things for myself. Not in a self-absorbed way, but in a “I’m a grown woman! I can do whatever I want!” way.
I explained to her that I’ve come to realize that I’m not very good with being fully present, nor am I good at really listening and following my own inner rhythm. She was surprised when I said this. But I explained to her it’s because she’s an individual who is very in-tune with her own rhythm and being present in the moment. When we finally parted, I feel like that was my unofficial assignment for the next few months or so: To learn how to be obedient to my inner rhythm.
Larchmont is one of the best neighborhoods in L.A., so I decided to not be a loser and hang out on my own for longer. I stopped into an independent bookstore. I try to make it a habit of visiting and buying things from independent booksellers when I can. I love me some Amazon and Barnes & Noble, but I have seen one too many amazing treasure trove of books and letters die because of them. I don’t know what was in the air today, but I ended up spending $85 on books… despite being hella broke.
One of the books I bought was The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk. I have a love/apathy relationship with astrology. I believe like all forms of divination/philosophy/religion, it serves to help us have a greater understanding of ourselves and a sense of belonging within the Universe. But those weekly and monthly horoscopes in Cosmopolitan are a bunch of bullshiiiiit.
That being said, I am very much a Cancer. This book is cool, though, because it also talks about your Moon sign, your Rising sign, and all the other things in your birth chart. I read up about myself and tried to interpret some of the other stuff in my chart. But then it got too complex, so I gave up. (There’s a lot of math in astrology. I don’t fux with math like that.)
I think with it being Easter tomorrow and we’re finally full-swing into spring, I’m feeling that urge to connect to something greater and bigger than myself. I definitely believe in God. (I like to refer to myself as a proud panentheist). And I think spirituality ultimately serves to bring us closer to God. But I think that can come in different forms. Today, it was learning more about astrology. The thing I like about astrology is that it allows me to realize everything is interconnected and interdependent. We truly are part of one big whole, one big tapestry.
Between meeting with Monique and reading up about the different planetary influences on my life, I think I got to groove a little bit with my inner rhythm today. Part of being in an extended personal winter has meant that I’ve felt disconnected—from myself, from my friends and family, and from the world as a whole. But today, I felt a little more connected and clear about my shit.